8. FALLING IN AND OUT

1186050_667516846594517_1840363258_nSometimes the heart yearns.I know he was trying to impress me, but what wrong,he is making an effort.I loved that. There we were just two of us in the train. Since it was a local train, it was not a posh crowd. A mixed one. Everyone were mocking at us especially the oldies. I was as always supposed to be nervous, pull my head down and die a little inside. But I was not.I didn’t care I was mesmerized with Guru as if he hypnotised me with some magic spell.

The engine sound,the nature types that too moving backwards, the bogies and the little boys selling stuffs. It was thrilling. We stood near the bogie end and Guru made me to have even a wider view. It was bit difficult to manage a seat. Yet we had a window seat fortunately. People squeezed us which drew us a lot more closer.He held my hands and was trying to make me feel protective and comfortable.Lot of commotions were going around. Guru asked me ‘ Are you okay’. Yeah my heart popped out to tell, I was awesome. but I just gave him a nod and a smile.We didn’t speak more than a word after that. I loved the train travel. It was new to me not only the train travel , EVERYTHING.It was happening.I rested my head on his shoulder. I didn’t dare to look at him.He never moved which made me feel secure. Some moments make you feel, this is life and you were waiting all your life anticipating for this moment. I was living it all now.

Half an hour passed by. He just brushed my hair aside. I pretended to sleep. I didn’t want to miss the coziness. But I was anxious to look ‘Was he looking in to me’?. Not able to have a balance I slightly opened my eyes. And caught Guru looking in to me. We both knew what was it, but managed to be formal and started talking. The usual stuffs: friends and people around. Mind it,we both never slipped about Ram and Laxmi. Might be intentional or not. We just didn’t want to.

Our destination was two hours. But after an hour itself, Guru told we will get down at the next station and take a bus to home so that there will be no timing issues and we will avoid the panic. We both were on the next station platform. Standing with no clue what next. I told the scene was more like the eloped lovers. He smiled and replied. ‘It could have been, but its not, it might be’. Now stop,I forgot English literally. What did he sense or was I over imagining things?. Or is it the same crazy crap we laugh at.

Before I could analyse , he found a restaurant. We had a brunch. He told the food was okay okay types. Honestly I didn’t know whether it was sweet,spicy or salty. My heads was echoing, ‘It might be’.I was deeply engrossed in it.Guru seeing me so blank asked ‘Are you worried, you will be at home within an two hours’.I was not even bothered about it. Least I could convince is by faking an ‘yes’.

We walked holding hands instead of the usual hitting each other stuff. It felt nice.Had a short walk around the town and traced the bus stop. We took a bus back to Coimby. It was with the super esteemed DVD player television. The sound was jarring. It was an old tollywood flick. We had seats at he back door. The breeze was soothing.

Guru was so much interested in the flick and was in all praises for the celebrity.Back I was so irritated.What the hell,’Is he not realising the lovely movie that is screening just before his eyes’. I would tell, guys are stupid that too on a serious mode. That’s what I felt.I was in no mood to watch it. I looked at the window and was rewinding the beautiful day we witnessed.

After few minutes, Guru gave me the water bottle and asked whether I was thirsty. He then was bit shy and gave me a offer to rest my head on his shoulder if I feel sleepy.Now I felt,okay he is not that stupid, yet still I had my vengeance.I wanted to tell ‘No’. But I was definitely in my senses. thought for a while:’ Is this the time to have this all?. And I smiled and told I will. I didn’t want to make him look ‘I was dying for it’ .After a while,I did.

Some moments are priceless. You don’t need a beautiful resort, or to stand at a world wonder,or a jaguar or a posh home to live your life. All you need is a local bus, people mocking,babies screaming,a privileged DVD player television, a window seat with the super unclean handles which you don’t even dare to touch, an average guy’s shoulder naah now he is definitely the most handsome chap with lots of love and care. Yeah,those moments define you. It makes you identify what is essential in your life.

We reached Coimbatore earlier to a hour before our classes could end. I was in no heart to leave Guru either him.He immediately told we will hit the cafe shop.We were in, ordering cappuccino’s and sandwiches.I never felt Guru observed so much.He told remember whenever you and me are happy say the bike ride and today the train too. We are in the same clothes me in blue and white checked shirt and you the purple salwar. Call it coincidence or what.He touched my palm.

I didn’t know how to respond. I of course liked it but wanted to make the situation light. So just spiced it up telling, You are such a blue fanatic and you have all your shirts in blue or at least a check or a stripes are on the same shade.Cut the coincidence crap. But he was in too much intimacy. He didn’t bother to take his hand from me and convinced me telling. Blue is fine, but why should it be the same shirt. That was it:I thought it would be better to leave and told ‘make it soon, am running late to home’.

I reached home had a small chat with mama. Finding my usual place on the balcony with coffee, the memories hit. Before I could dream about it a little longer. My cellphone rung with a romantic tone ‘Ram calling’.I wanted to cut the call but now my dreams were nowhere I was confused. ‘Was I ditching Ram’, ‘Am I loyal to him’, ‘What is happening?’, ‘Which is meant-to-be’, ‘Am I a bitch?’

A heck of questions battled with me. Finally I thought I have to take a decision right there. Called Ram.I told him regarding our train journey not the different feel I had on him, I didn’t have guts for it .I knew he is going to blast me straight away. But he was so positive. He told just because of the distance we are apart.

That made me so guilty.I was thinking whether it was distance. But I felt it was the impact which people leaves us. Did Ram leave an impact?.I don’t know.He is falling for me now I am falling out of him.I thought I should not do this, let me stop this I am betraying him. I now hated why Guru should do all this and loved Ram for his positivity. Morning it was a contrast story. I was in chaos .I wanted to cry for help. I cursed my life and was shattered.

Guru kept on ringing me. I didn’t bother to pick the call. Yeah now I should hate him and that was how I showed the results.He was calling me for the forty second time.I put my ringer to silent.I badly wanted a good sleep.

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