11. LOVE/LUST/FRIENDSHIP

Its been a while I have blogged. Some instances I wanted to take Guru and Nandita out of my minds.But they never seem to leave me. Finally I found I am too much in love with them more than my husband, that I cannot stay away :P. Its definitely a walk down the memory lane.

FAST REWIND
Nandita on the air-travel with her two year old reminds of her love-life with Guru( Her Husband).How she meets Guru , how they fell for each other.The story unravels with Guru, Nandita meeting on their math centers, get in to the same college.Guru loves Laxmi but she is engaged. Nandita loves Ram. But suddenly a lip-lock between Guru and Nandita has changed their lifes. Nandita is almost shattered by Guru’s transition.

Image

The semester fever was on. All the study holidays were devoted to romancing. Though the effect of romance was twice. Its after effects were tremendous.Everyone feels complete after a kiss but I was definitely not one among them. Firstly it was not whether I loved the kiss, the location and so on but I didnt know whether I liked Guru or not ?. Then how would I have enjoyed it and treasured the moments. Loads of chaos was going within me. Sometimes it was okay, rest of the times was, what next?. There was no clarity in future. Oops a future do really existed between us?. How could it be when both of them never fell for each other at the first place.I have definitely heard arranged marriages what is this arranged love, love for kiss, lust? What heck, I stopped thinking nowadays.

There were times when I even broke the remote if there was a smooch in movies. Sometimes the whole family doubted whether I was straight.My cousin sisters tested on me showing the hot looking guys to make sure my hormones were working.All the pictures of my sensational South-Indian heart throb Vishal who decorated my bedroom walls was in the bin.The whole family were so damn concerned on me, they did not bother exams or nothing.They surely know it was not love after all breaking a remote for kiss were nowhere connected.It was on a weird way because I was proving it at right places.I used to hog on my books.I ate Microprocessors,drunk probability, breathed Computer architectures,lived on databases and slept on software engineering.I was definitely not a nerdo but to keep me far from my thinking this principle worked.Study for marks was shattered in to pieces, I studied for distraction.Lot many times aspired to be a nerdo: but being one among it,I hated it to the core.I have stopped hanging out, no phone conversations with friends, even the break between semesters were just to sleep on the couch.

I cried in nights. Depression took over me next to my textbooks.I desperately wanted life. A happening one. Will the kiss be erased out? , Will Ram be back, Can Guru and me be the same crazy friends again?. After knowing the answer, I questioned it for a thousandth time.

Five exams were down, we were left only with a probability paper.Anticipation of the last exam were all long gone. I did not want the exams to end. If it ends, no distraction. What is going to make me occupied?That feeling send shivers in me.Between this semesters itself there will be a minimum of ten calls from Guru which will be unanswered.After semesters it will be even more. How am I going to avoid him?. On the other side, Ram never called me after the last conversation. Not even a text message.I didnt know this was the usual Ram during semesters but this time it was not the same.My heart knew.Now again distraction and more distraction, it was Markov process and Markov chains, transition process and limiting distributions.

The exam went on well. It was fairly an easy paper.All I could see after the exams were happy faces except the gloomy me. Shiv, Tanvi,Naren,Nivedita were all around which obviously meant Guru was there.I was avoiding him so intentionally in these semester days but today I was right in the middle of them and my bloody mind never screened any better alternatives ( Flat tyre, dad is waiting, mom is sick, cousin’s wedding, holiday).Uff… before I could think Shiv dragged me to canteen. I looked so blank. All my answers were of objective types.I could not look at Guru. But Guru just looked only in to my eyes. It was so obvious to sense for everyone there. Suddenly Guru took his phone and spoke for a minute and told he needed to leave straight away. I sighed a breath of relief seeing him leaving.

My next mission was to call Tanvi and Shravs for a sleep-over at my place.After all girls it happens. I wanted to spit out everything. I need to breath. It was almost a month I am going through this all alone. I wanted to take a decision and end this.Before that Tanvi told, Guru is waiting near the bike park. He wanted to talk something about Mukunth and Shravs, something private.There is Nandu and Nivi here so you go, me and Shiv will join you after a while. Perhaps you didnt attend the call.

Guru waved hands from long distance.Now I was left with no blame excuses rather than meeting him.I walked straight to him with heavy steps.I did not dare to look at him. When I went near: he just told,’ I will take you,I want to talk,Please dont you make a scene. I want to sort the differences out’.I badly wanted it, but I want suggestions from Tanvi and Shravs, he did not give me time.I told him ‘Tomorrow’. He looked as if he will fall at my feet. It was so sweet that I could never oblige.Girls always love this, I was never an exception.I told ,’ Okay wait in the usual spot,I will walk over’.

Such a quick change-over. I looked at him awe-stuck. A blue coolers matching his white shirt. He has tucked it out and rolled over his sleeves. I always envy such a spontaneous transformation any-time any-place from guys: formal to semi-formal, semi-formal to casual, Waav. But girls are always shitty.Its never possible, even if we try it looks pathetic.And definitely today I looked like a maid to him. I never matched him. Oops matching is all far away, I could not even stand near such charming looks. He looked hot.Its been ages I had grooming, not even a haircut.

We never uttered a word between us. I never gripped his shoulder too for balance. I managed with the handles. He drove to some kudil(hut) restaurant for the lunch session. The place was very beautiful. Independent huts with single tables scattered everywhere.The greenery was magnificent.The tables, spoons, crockery were very authentic.There was a stream of water gushing in. It seemed very quiet and ensured loads of privacy.

We settled in.Guru sat beside me. We ordered some Naans and chicken chettinad. He talked very casually the semesters, exams and every single gossip except what we had shared. I started feeling comfortable. However it is, Guru and so it comes.We talked, laughed and fought but it was artificial. We could not deny that.We were trying to cover it up and start the old-us.

The food was awesome.The ambience, the company everything added meaning.Before we waited for the bill. Guru just came forward. We did not know what happened.But we kissed again.It was just a fraction of second. Not again, again and again.Every other time it was passion reloaded. We did not know where this led but it happened again and changed everything.We just managed a smile, paid the bill and moved away. Back in our minds, definitely we thanked for such a privacy secured ambience.

This time it was light. I never gave second thoughts about anything. He drove home. While waving a bye to him. He kissed me again on the road.We both did not mind the consequences, nothing/no one spoiled the heat within us.The day ended beautifully. Car, home, restaurant and even road. Love is blind. Nope, in our cases love is over-rated.Lust is blind, that sounds perfect on us.

It may be our age, attraction, infatuation whatever but the next dimension in life was thrilling. A different world altogether we witnessed.Initially the guilt was there, but definitely not now.I convinced I have moved on Ram.I knew how loneliness was and how much I was craving for attention. Silence became my language, tears were my identity.It was only Guru who came to me. Though I have avoided his calls every single day he was the one who have never gave up on me.

I could not deny he was the ray of hope to me.We did not know what future had in-store for us. The semester holidays were wonderful. We hanged out every single day and yeah the hugs, cuddles and kisses were the added ones. It became normal to us just like we hitting each other.To the limelights, he always kissed not me, I just responded :P. That marked the difference. We dont know whether we were lovers/friends. We did not care what relationship it was ?

It might be friendship/lust/love? We lived life every single minute but never thought about the next second. That was why our going was beautiful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “11. LOVE/LUST/FRIENDSHIP

  1. ‘Love is over-rated,Lust is Blind’–Loved this Line..And it is not Arranged Love..Friendship turned love I guess.. 😀
    Loved going through this.. 😀

  2. Hi Vino,

    Interesting, and if I may add, an intense post.

    Could there be a difference in perception about what ‘love’ means between man and Woman/?Or for that matter between two individuals? Or at different moments for the same individual? I suppose how each one of us reacts is correlated to how a particular situation occurs for us. Could we then strive to understand how something may be occurring for that other person in our lives? Could such understanding shift us to a more understanding and less emotional space?

    What would you think?

    Shakti

  3. Thanks Shakti 🙂 Love indeed can never be defined nor generalized. It totally depends on how each of us takes it. It might be due to situations, first sight or whatever:) It just happens. If we are able to find what the other person is going through, life would be hassle-free. But then will the suspense be not broke and will the relationship be that interesting?

    Keep Visiting 🙂
    Cheers.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s