12. NEW DEFINITIONS

Before the whole world knows what was creeping in, your friends always know what is it. Being them who have always set fire between two people getting committed.Shouting names of the other, singing in praises of you both complimenting each other, accuse them that they always look for the other , care about specifically you and what not. Eventually they are the ones who quench hunger in you. Initially however fussy you are, drastically you enjoy the accuses and long to be in the committed mode. After all being committed is like winning an Oscar in this age. 

Shiv, Mukunth, Shravs and Tanvi were the people who can shed their lives for friendship kinds and they were never an exception who were always laying stones for a road of life-long disaster. Startled by our sudden too much fevicol behaviour and PDA’s. Shiv casually gave a direct question to Guru , ‘Are you seeing each other?’. We know ‘ You guys always look like but still we can smell something new’. Now I was so damn eager, bloody anticipating and a bit hesitant  like a teenager who had his first porn CD in his hands . I know its a wierd comparison. But I was undergoing the mixed feelings the similar way. I didnt know where to look either Shiv or Guru. I just set my eyes on ground and everyone started pouring oil in to the fire. The crowd was so cheering until Guru laughed so contagiously.

He instantly pulled me and threw his hand on my shoulder, ‘ Joke of the year: Darling, it seems we are seeing each other; Totally stupid know these guys are; No relationships, no pain’. Guru was so reluctant he just generalized and the words just stabbed  every part of my body like a hammer.I just abruptly took my way to home faking an urgent call from dad.

‘Was confusions always destined to me?’. I cursed myself. He is right he has never proposed but that does that mean he never had interest on me. Were the intimacies we were holding meant fooling around. Blankly, I convinced that because he was not ready to confess before everyone. But ‘that everyone’ meant the whole world to him. That too Shiv was like a gay companion to him. But why did he hid it?. At some point when chaos is the only one making up your life, you will get used too and handle it in a better way. I rang Guru and was confirming the weekend plan . Since the weather has been so beautiful he suggested a spin on the bike.

We both were glued as always. Now bike rides seems to be like a weekly ritual. The nervousness,tension, hesitancy, fear, anticipations were nowhere now. Only the excitement to explore each other were heating us up. Even the usual genuine brushes were short-lived because we were now in the next level. Thats the beauty of the hormonal levels.          

When you have developed a crush:Just the glimpse of the other makes you skips a beat
When you just know each other: Talking to them even a few words make your day worthwhile
When you are in the just friends mode: Attention is what you die for          
When you are in the close friend category: Holding hands, casual touches are the ones you intentionally yearn for                                                    
When you are in love: Hugs ,cuddles , kiss and what not

So at every stage, the yearning is there to progress to the next stages.If you have are in the high levels, the earlier levels will be less appealing. On a honest basis being endorsed in hugs and cuddles, holding hands and casual touches mattered little.I did not know where to start with so I was just waiting for a situation to hog on the topic. We talked and talked. The weather was stunningly romantic with drizzles right in between Guru asked me for a hug. I was badly in my mind calculating  when this topic would pop up This time not for the romance but for clarity.I was so damn furious and irritated ready to throw tantrums the next moment which I have been holding for the past two days. 

I threatened him to stop and fired him one straight question,Okay, you dont love me, what is this Mr.Guru Prasad Kumar? .’Falling in love is totally up-to you  but are you thinking am a call girl.’ ‘Give me an answer straight away and then I will decide whether to come-along or what-next.When a girl calls you by your first second and heck your last name the intensity of anger reflects .Guru remained deaf and remained silent which made my anger to shoot multiple folds. My face turned so red and all my strength to hide my anger burst in to tears.Not able to stop creating a scene on road, I told him to just leave away wiping off my sobs.Guru spoke finally.

I am confused what you call love is.

If love what you mean is speaking the heart with you, then this is love
If love what you mean is friendship and companionship, then this is love
If love what you mean is comfortability and flexibility, then this is love
If love what you mean is hugs and kisses, then this is love
If love what you mean is making love to you, then this is love
If love what you mean is marrying each other, then this is love
If love what you mean is growing old with each other, then this is love of-course.
I dont know what you mean love is , you have different contexts.
But to me is ‘I want you to be forever‘.
That is all I know,You can use any play of relationship: Friendship or Love.I dont give a damn about it.
Because with Laxmi being attracted by her at first sight I was in a wrong notion. So love always seemed to be adulterated term.

I melted inside. Common who cannot be struck with love even after this. I felt like shouting to the whole world that this is love.But stop, that did not happen. Emoting even more powerfully.I did not know why my brain took stroll instead of my heart.

Nandita:’ Guru, not any play of relationship; this is lust in pure forms.’ Just because ‘You need me for all this, your acting so well, kudos for that’.I am not a fool to trust you again, why did you not confess to Shiv or is it a relationship under-covers?
Guru : What???? I will call him straight away. Bloody now.
Nandita: Stop that emotional scene.Just because you want to use me more and more you are confessing in front of me and I am sure you will back-stab me. You are a cheap guy sort.
Guru: ‘Cheap’.’What do you think’? If I want that, I can get a easy lay every night. And ‘you’.
Nandita: That is how it is. And I just walked away calling Tanvi from my phone to pick me up.

The touch-me-not phase was on.